People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
