Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
