I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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