I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
