my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Mom said you looked used
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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