ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
