just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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