no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize