Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
