I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
