I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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