i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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