im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
