i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just pee around me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
