she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
