Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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