mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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