hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
