Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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