It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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