Im at strip club and am horny
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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