I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
