The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
