Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
