I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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