We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
