Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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