Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
