you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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