is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
