I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
