real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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