Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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