Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
