Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im six kinds of drunk right now
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
