My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
