just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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