Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
