Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize