oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
