walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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