At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
