she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
