Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
