You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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