hotel room ftw
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Randomize
