new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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