it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
