Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Welp...herpes.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
