i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
