I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
